THE LIFE OF A DBM

Back to the world
I’m back in the world. I went into a dark space and had a pity party. Didn’t want to invite anyone just indulge in my past mistakes. What started this party was as incident that happens at a party. The party was last Saturday and I got drunk. I don’t remember much about the party or what I did or said after the first hour. It was apparent that I embarrassed myself. It was Sunday after I woke up and got out of my bed at 6:00pm. I’m relieved that I must face some things and learn to like Twin again.



The Big Week
Being a Spartan this is huge week. This is the week that wolverine fans try to tell us Spartans how they are worthy to walk in our shadows. The hype is great and I live for this week. When I was married I had a few rules and the #1 rule was that she not asks me to do anything on the day Michigan State plays Michigan. My ex tried to test me on this one time. To make a long story short I did not go where she wanted me. I watched the game like I have been doing for the past 20+ years.


An Old Shoe
When do you throw out a pair of old shoes. You know that pair of old shoes that you have had for years. No matter how many other shoes you may have in your closet. You still put on these old shoes from time to time. I know that the shoes are bad for my feet, but they are comfortable. Most people talked about me when I got this pair of shoes and told me to get rid of them. I did not and have not gotten rid of them yet. I need some advice because I know that these shoes will come back to bite my in the ass if I don’t throw them out.
Note: ( I don’t mean a pair of shoes literally)

Life & Choices
I had a moment today. After being turned down again for a job. I realized that all that matters in life is what is going on right now. All the time I wondered if I was cool in high school means nothing. Being in the right crowd, wearing the right clothes, nothing. Life is all about choices and from those choices we end up at where we are at this time. One of my friends use to say to me we are where we are at for a reason. It is amazing how I ended up here posting a blog, no money, no date, and beating my head against the wall trying to plan my next move. An old friend said to me once, "don't let emotions get in the way of life". His point was that when we let emotions dictate a decision we will choose the wrong road every time . I have to say this is why I'm in the position I'm in today, emotion. I let my emotions, make a choice instead of fighting until I died, which I almost did. Right now I need to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I need to know that everything is going to be alright. Twin has been a person who always took care of business. Asking for help is something I choose not to do on a regular basis. I'm not blaming anyone for what has happen to me. When times were good I took all the credit and now that times rough I also take all the credit. My new motto is that 'you were there every step of the way'. This enlightenment of knowledge was passed to me when I was in a fucked up relationship and tried to blame the world for why I made that decision. Again choices. I know that times will get better. This is just one of life hurdles and a chance to realize what is important and what is not. I guess I should thank Life again for teaching me a lesson but I can't right now. I have to see the tree in the forest. Life is telling me that you have all answers, use the tools that you have learned in the journey so far and you will see the light. But RIGHT NOW all I see is darkness.
Life and Choices.

This is another post of inside of me. Things that people may or may not know about me.
1. I hate peas.
2. I have a foot fetish, if you have nice feet Ooh!
3. I rarely eat at buffet, I like to be served when I go out plus people are nasty.
4. I didn't eat out until I was in college, always heard that black man don't do it, how crazy was I
5. I like to eat out, if its clean and trim. Don't like hairy Bush.
6. I have had two stalkers in my life.
7. I used to be scared of the dark.
8. I now sleep in a pitch black room, I love the dark.
9. I was in honors algebra and geometry class in high school.
10. I went on senior trip my junior year.
11. I have not been high since 1987, If my parents read this they will trip.
12. I went to 4 high schools and 3 colleges, Ferris was the worst.
13. I worked in a kitchen as a prep cook in college.
14. I like thick woman.
15. I don't like skinny women.
16. I have been called "color struck".
17. I have never been arrested or been inside of a jail.
18. I made love in a car.
19. I made love at the Greenleaf Motel.
20. My first car was a Mustang 5.0
21. Me and my twin have a special connections.
22. Some of my good friends are "White"
23. I can't play basketball, never could.
24. I used to love to social, I would sing in her ear and everything.
25. I wore eyeliner in my senior pictures, Prince did it and it brought my eyes out.
26. My aunt was murdered by her husband's mistress.
27. I get manicures.
28. I get pedicures.
29. I will get married again, but you must want to have kids.
30. I love good food.
31. I dislike cheap people.
32. I'm afraid of death.
33. I have had 2 surgery in my life, one on my arm the other on my face.
34. I think that 'Word of Faith" in Southfield is a cult.
35. I think that AIDS is a man made disease created to kill black people.
36. I have seen a UFO.
37. I love the Food channel.
38. I don't like roller coaster.
39. I prefer to sleep with women in my own bed.
40. I'm very handy around the house, a regular Tim Allen.
41. I don't care for Porn.
42. Ralph Lauren is my favorite clothes designer.
43. Kenneth Cole is my favorite shoe designer.
44. I had an affair with a married woman.
45. My best friend as a kid was killed in a drug hit.
46. I once slept with 3 women in one day.
47. Bijon was my favorite perfume on a woman,
48. I just learned how to play Bid-Whisk.
49. Mexican food is my favorite.
50. Blue is my favorite color.

The Sparty Bus
I want to thank "onka" for hooking me up with a ticket to the football game. I went to South Bend to see Michigan State beat ND in overtime. It was a great game from start to finish. First we had tickets to a Corporate Tail Gate party. I was talking to this person who was obsessed with Notre Dame. He went on an on about how it was a religious experience to walk into the stadium. How he had seen grown men cry their first time seeing ND play. Get a life dude. Its just a game. I have to admit I was all into the action, especially because of this ND fan who was bragging when they tied the game up. His cheering was all for not Michigan State ended up winning.

"Touchdown Jesus" helped the Spartans
Right before game time
See I did have tickets (no dirt in nails either)
THE FINAL SCORE

"Just because"
It was fun going to a college town to see a game. There was one thing I did see a lot while here and it was not alcohol. It was 'just because' couples. What is this you ask? A 'just because' is a brother or a sister who has a mate of another race 'just because' they are of another race. NOTE: I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST INTERRACIAL COUPLES. I have family and friends who are biracial along with family and friends who are in interracial relationships. Twin here even was involved with a few woman of another race back in the day. But what I saw on my weekend trip was sad. The brothers I saw had white women who as my grandmother used to say "if they were black he would not want her". The same was for the sister. I saw sisters with white men who all I could do was ask "you could not find someone better than that"! N

Now that was my weekend in a post. Thanks girl for the hookup I owe you.

Ranting and Raving
I have learned that in life all things are not fair or free. In this post I going to piggy back some of my fellow blogger on thoughts I have been holding on to for a long time. Twin will also post some new thoughts on what I see. If it seems that I’m all over the place, well I apologize in advance for that.

Love or Newness
My boy Babee put it best tonight when he said he like the “high”. I too love the newness of when you first meet someone. I call it “The Chase”. My goal is to see how long it will take me to see her nude body. “The Suz” tells me all the time I sleep with women just to see if I can do it. It must be the Spartan dog in me. I have to make everything a challenge. Ladies don’t tell me you don’t sleep with someone for at least a certain amount of time. This is when the game becomes fun to me. I will put in the time and effort to sleep with you in record time. One night stands don’t count, no woman admits to having any. Just like they don’t admit the time they sleep with Craig Mack! The more you say what you don’t do, the more I prove to you that you do. Romance is my thing candy, flower, etc. Unlike we men who are microwave, ladies you are slow cooker. But the stew is good at the end of the day. However, at the end of the day “the chase” is getting old. I’m getting tired of the games. Forty is not too far away and I need to settle down. It is not cool being the Old Man in the club.

Mommy and Daddy is a Freak !
Parents when did it become cool to let your children know that you are a freak. As someone who tried to post a blog on Yahoo Beta 360, I was disgusted. If you look at some of the people who have profiles, it is amazing. I have seen countless profile of how they like to eat this and suck that. Then if you look at their photo album they have pictures of their kids. How sick is that! I even got an email from a person who had to change email account because her daughter’s friends saw it and started making fun of her at school. Where are the moral of keeping things away from our children. No child should know that mommy or daddy likes to eat pussy or suck dick.

Unemployed

I hate being unemployed! I went from making high five figures to making nothing, new shoes, clothes, trips, eating out almost every night gone. My identity of one of the things that defined me as Twin, erased. This has been a blessing and curse at the same time. Blessed in the fact it gave me a chance to regroup and learn more about Twin the person. I have slowed down and realized that life can change in seconds. It made me realize that a job is just that a job. You do the best you can but don’t bring it home with you. Because in the end all you have is yourself. No mangers, co-workers, accounts or performance reviews. I also cook a lot more which is something I did in college. I’m also more of a bargain shopper, no more paying full price. A curse in that I wonder if all the bad karma I put out in the universe is coming back. All the nights I wished my manager would die or a fate worse than death. All the people I did not treat right after they were done with whatever purpose I had for them. Maybe this is my payback for looking down on people who I felt were not worth my time. Thank you God for allowing me to be a better person but could you also hook a brother up with a Gig.

A good Man
As someone who has a lot of female friends , I hear the statement "I want a good man". My reply to them and to everyone who make this claim is that you would not know "a good man" if he came up to you and said "HI". I'm sorry ladies but most of you are still looking for the same attribute in a man that you were looking for in a boy when you were 16. You want someone who drives a nice car, has a body like "the Rock", popular, and looks good on your arms. I can speak on countless examples of being turned down by someone. Only to see them months later with a Thug or someone who I know still lives at home with his mother and have a football team full of kids and baby momma drama. Please tell me why you don't give the nice guys a chance. I know more than my share of beautiful women who want to get married but can't find "a good man". Yet I know they are or have booty calls. Take a lesson from David Justice or Eric Benet (Maybe) they thought they wanted Halle Berry until they had her. Once they said "I Do" they wished they would have said "I Don't". As adults ladies you must wake up. All that glitters is not gold and all things that may seem good may not be good for you. I know I don't have the body of a God but neither do a lot of you. I just know that "I'm a Good man"

Marriage
Tonight me and "The Suz" went out to watch Monday Night Football and the subject of Marriage came up. When ever marriage come up I'm the reference point. Her point was that the reasons marriage fail is because expectations are too high. I agreed to a certain point. Her evidence is that when things get a little roughed the first thing people say is "I'm not in love anymore". "The Suz" continued that people fall in and out of love all the time. People who are married don't want to love, honor and obey. Stressing that this applies to both parties not just to women. Twin here had to defend all the divorced people out there. I let her know that sometime two people are just not compatible. When you are young, you think that LOVE is the answer to everything. I had a lot of people tell me that I was making a mistake and not to do it. Did I listen, "No". That is why they have a term for people like me "Trial Marriage". A Trial Marriage is define as something that happen before 30 and lasting less than 5 years and it produced no children. Do I feel that people expectation of Marriage is to high, YES. But I feel it is suppose to be high. I just feel that people don't work hard at keeping the relationship first in their lives. We (yes we) tend to become complacent or give up when the road is turning and getting rough.

"We"
What is a "WE" brother or sister. They were the type of person who would be in the slave quarters like the rest of us listening to us talk about when "WE" were going to escape. Then they asked us why "WE" want to leave because master is treating us good. Or they would run and tell master about the plan. You know this type of person, master "we" sick. Master what "we" going to do? A sellout! This is the same black person who will not sit at a table if there are more than two black people sitting there already. Until they get their neck stepped on. Then they are calling "racism". The "we" person thinks what is white is right until they get the "Nigga" alert. You know the "Nigga" alert! When America or Corporate America reminds you that just because you have a little money or prestige, you are still a person of color. (i.e. Michael Jackson, O.J. Simpson, etc) I don't like "WE" people. I know a few "we" people, one in particular. I sent out a mass email last week on what the Mayor of NO said about not getting help. The "other" twin then forward my email to other people on his list. This was the respond he got from a "we" person.

Subject: Re: FW: mayor of NO
Date: Thu, 08 Sep 2005
One, I don't need email's to no what's going on in the world, so
save your anti -whitey email's for your black mulisms friends.
Two, what have these black people done to help their-self before the hurricane, to
get their self out poverty. and Three, a course i have already sent money
and will be volunteering my time at Lowry where they will before nine
month.

I'm not making this up. I'm glad he says that he is going to volunteer, but his first two statements.
"WE" as a people will never rise up as a group. When "we" still have people of color who think like this.

Catch Up
I calling this catch up time because I have not posted in a while and need to get up to speed.

Thank you Notre Dame for beating Michigan today. As a proud alumni of Michigan State, my two favorite teams are Michigan State and whom ever is playing Michigan. (This is me standing in front of "Touchdown Jesus" at ND).

Record Release Party
They had a record release party for Charlie Wilson new cd. I was to busy networking and getting free alcohol to pay attention to how good the cd was. I was not going to buy it before I heard it and I will probably not going to buy it now. A funny thing did happen to me at this party. The manager of Conya Doss came up to me and asked me why I gave her no mention on the blog. Here is her mention and yes I like her CD and sound. GO out and buy it.




P.S. These two fine ladies are not my girl friends. They are just friends. I would not want to start any rumors.





God and Bridges



I have learned again two valuable lessons about life and the word "NEVER". In one of my previous jobs I had a manager whom I did not care for as a manager and sometime person. They were a micro-manager who I felt wanted to control every aspect of my personal and professional life. She was stressing me out so bad that I was becoming physical ill. Things did not end well as I gave my resignation. I told myself that if I got another job I would "never" speak to her again. One thing I did not do is burn bridges. Don't get me wrong she was not a bad person. It was her management style that wore thin for some people who worked for her. Well GOD showed me again. He said "never" say what you will or won't do. Well, I needed a reference and she was the only one who could help me. I communicated with her, told her my situation. She was more than helpful. I mean she made some phone calls, told me who I needed to speak with and told me that if I need anything else give her a call. Twin here was humbled. I felt bad that this person who at one time I hated, looked out for me. I questioned if I would have done the same thing for her if the roles were reversed? Were things as bad as they seemed? Does time heal some wounds?
2005 has been a year of growth for me as a person. GOD again has put a mirror in my face and let me see myself in ways that I have not seen before. THANK - YOU.

Time and Waiting
How long do you wait until you end a relationship? I know a couple who have been together on and off for a number of years. Let me start by saying that the female in this relationship is one of the finest women I have every met. I would marry her tomorrow. She is smart, educated and wants to get married. He does not. He does not hide the fact that he does not believe in marriage because as he has stated "he has never seen one work". In observing this couple everyone can see that she is wasting her time. She is never going to change his mind. He on the other hand likes things the way that they are because he has his cake and is eating it to. In the beginning of the relationship people were hating on him because the said he is a fool not to make a commitment. Now everyone is saying she is foolish for staying with him because she will never be married to him. Now I know you can't change a grown person mind. (I will give detail on a later post) I want to tell her to leave him and be with me of course. She is too fine (I did mention she is fine as hell) to keep wasting her time and hoping that she will jump the broom with him. Don't get me wrong I'm not hating on the brother because he is honest and up front with her and everyone else about his stance. He is not hiding anything. She is the one wasting her time and again how much time do we have?

I watched this movie and came away with many questions. Not about the movie, but would I have done what he did and still been able to live with myself. First and foremost I liked the movie and Kerry Washington body was tight (Paula Jai Parker is another story). I have been in some tight financial situations, like right now. But I could not have sex for $10,000 just to conceive a baby. It is bad enough when you sleep with someone just to do it. I have slept with someone and hated myself in the morning. The sex could have been the bomb but I knew that things were not going to be the same after we crossed that line. I not saying that every female I slept with I liked in a romantic type of way. I need to have some feeling, attraction or liquor before I will give you some. I also asked myself if I could not have parental rights for a child that is not mine. Of course the answer is NO. I was raised that you have to take care of your responsibilities. This was just some of my thought from watching this fine film that I recommend to my fellow bloggers.

Inside of Me III

Here are some things about me that people may or may not know.
I collect Comic Books - I have for about 15 years.
I love shoes - I love to buy shoes. When I go out of town I always come back home with at least two pair.
I'm allergic to Dogs and Cats - We had a cat for years and once we found out that I was allergic, Moms said you are going to college so the cat stays.
I lost my virginity when I was 12 - She was 14 or 15 and she took it from Me.
I never cheated on my ex-wife.
I don't go to strip clubs - I just don't believe in giving money to women who are just dancing naked.
I like anything by Chante Moore - Not only is she sexy but she can sing to me anytime!
I'm into Nakedness - Lingerie is not my thing. I love it the first time a woman takes off her clothes in front of me.
I have never seen the movie ET - Don't know why.
I sleep in the Nude - Even in the winter.
Sanford & Son is still my favorite show - I look at the dvd and quote lines from this show all the time.

"The Suz"

"The Suz" is back in town. The Suz is one of the only people I trust with everything including the keys to my house. We dated for a while and had a great relationship. The fact is she let me do what I wanted and she did what she wanted. The dating part ended when we had a situation where either we had to be grown ups or still just have fun. We decided to just have fun and have remained the best of friends. We talked everyday and their are people who keep asking us why don't we get married. We have to tell them that we are just friends. Well a couple of months ago "the suss" moved to a new state and were only talking once or twice a week. Welcome back!

The Other Twin









My twin was in town for the weekend. He lives is Denver and has been there off and on for about 14 years. We talk almost everyday but we see each other only twice a year. I have a funny story to tell. I have been going to this barbershop for about 10 years. My nickname there is "Twin" for obvious reason. Well one of the regular customer ("V") came in said "hi" to my brother and started waiting to get his hair cut. I walk up to "V" and say "hi". You would have thought he saw a two headed monster. His expression was priceless. "V" was like I thought that was you. The whole shop started laughing and asking him why do you think they call him "Twin". "V" was like I was wondering why he was so quiet and looked like he had lost weight. This used to happen all the time when he lived in Michigan. During our time at Michigan State University, him or I would always get "I saw you on campus and you didn't speak." I would try to explain why it was not me that they saw but my "good" twin (I was the "evil" twin).
I had to show my share of female my brother, before an argument turned into a fight about how I just walked right pass them or they saw me walking and/or talking to another female. The line "wasn't me" was part of my lie on more than one occasion.

Hurricane Katrina
A lot has been said about the Hurricane and I need to add my two cent. First here is the Mayor of New Orleans expressing his views. America has showed us again that we as black people are not important. The media has done this with very little reporting of missing African-American sisters compared to our white counterpart. Now with our people thirsty and hungry we get criticized for trying to survive.

Finally, if you have not given any money to the Red Cross or any other organization, then as an American especially a Black American don't you every talk to me. A thought for all the club owners don't charge a cover. Set up a box and use the 5, 10 for 20 dollars you charge and give it to charity.

eharmony

A few months ago I made a bet with a friend of mine "The Suss" about eharmony and how they only show one black couple who found love using this site. My point was a lot of online dating services cater to whites. White women tend to fall in "love" in one night and they will do anything to find a man. Brothers & Sisters are more selective in what do to find love. We as Black people like the old fashion way of meeting people, Clubs and the Hookup. Secondly I told her that no machine can put two people together for love and romance. The bet we made was that I will sign up and we will see if any of the people who are suppose to be my match are someone she would date if she were me. The winner of this bet would get dinner and bragging rights. So for 3 months we checked to see my dates. She would do the picking and I would communicate with them. So for all the people who sent a picture she could not find one person. Now remember I was not doing the picking. "The Suss" was the judge. She was just disgusted. Everyweek I laughed and said"I told you." Needless to say I won the bet. I'm back to my old ways of going to club and getting the hookup from friends.

// posted by twin @ 7:52 PM 1 Comments